They had complete control over his emotions. Today is about you and me and the love we have. The narcissist will do everything they can to rid themselves of your life, including blocking you on all social media platforms, changing their phone number, and even changing locations. So many enter adult hood and start to project a certain type of life style and life comes as a shock when adult life hits them . Do domestic violence programs have support groups for recovery from narcissistic abuse situations? Hell yes. After he told her that she was incapable of looking after her finances and that he should run things, she told him that she already had someone doing that. They also cannot control you if you choose to stay independent and seek ongoing support from others. Id prefer you to keep pining after me. Here is what to expect if you are ever subjected to public humiliation by a narcissist: Depending on the extent of the Narcissistic injury and how badly the narcissist wants to shame you, they will accidentally on purpose send one of your nude pictures to a family member. I have had to look at all my interaction was I jealous no did I support son he states I was a good mum! Men are hunters. God hates insolent pride AKA Narcissist and He will not always suffer them. When they became school age, it seemed natural to restart my teaching career. So, they will treat their victims however they see fit. I am currently in a relationship with a narc. It may sound shockingly simple, but its the one strategy that tends to irritate a narcissist like nothing else. Ive only recently started to delve into this subject matter after being accused of being one by the woman Im with. He used triangulation on the marriage counsellor & manipulated him). Less is more. Like INSTANTANEOUS, no kidding! Probably because she couldnt hurt me as bad with my grandmother having my back. Its called LOVE!!! Their motives arent kind-hearted. They often become jealous, possessive, or aggressive to exert control. Personally, Im concerned about the overuse of the word narcissism, I think some people are just sh*tty, no one is perfect, we are all flawed. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent you've learned this since you were really young. I realised that my in-laws knew exactly what would trigger that kind of behaviour in my husband. I want him to realise that he should aim for what makes him happy, and not suffocated. I have had counselling over a year now since I saw him or newborn grandchild. I feel bad for him, I feel like hes trapped in the relationship between his parents and me, trying to keep both sides happy. Same here. I went on to build my own life my friends are my family. Lies, debts, destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people were ever they go. I can care less. The circle of abuse, the shouting , the silent treatment, the sulking the feeling sorry for himself, THEN just when Im feeling at my absolute lowest , he would be nice to me as if the last week hadnt happened or more often than not, I would apologise knowing it wasnt my fault, just to end the terrible atmosphere. These efforts are carefully crafted. Continue on your journey to healing. How could it have taken me so long. With this approach, you want to avoid showing emotion or using emotionally-charged language. Sound familiar. Since 2020, I have had the horrible experience of a narcissistto whom I was just being a friend! . Narcissistic supply is like a drug to the narcissist. I dont regret it, and happiness flooded into my soul! The children were alienated from me as I was marginalized as a parent and the reality she worked to create took hold, that only she could financially take care of the children. Yep. His plan to isolate and gaslighting successful. I just dont have the emotional equipment to do so nor do I want to, because it takes the focus away from the person whos really important. Im not angry. Reading Suggestion: What is Narcissistic Abuse? But more importantly, prioritizing yourself allows you to focus on having a meaningful, fulfilling life. Well no more.I am almost out this door. I got 50%custody but she immediately broke it and as one child now was an adult, the other close behind and due to all the stress they had to deal with, I didnt have the heart to challenge her violations in Court. I decided to disappear from the man. The manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive aggression to make others feel ashamed or confused. It was only after I left my narcissistic husband of 4 years, that I started realizing how he humiliated, degraded and manipulated me to get what HE wanted from the start. The narc didnt believe this said I did this on badness she claims . The phrases that most people use in everyday conversations bear a far different meaning in the context of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. The overt narcissist is easily identified because they tend to be loud, arrogant, insensitive to the needs of others, and always thirsty for compliments. Just dont ever think that you are rid of them if you get involved with them. It took me 37 years to see it. My couselor said it was only the 2nd time in her long career she told a client to walk away and fast. Emotionally invalidating you is the key to keeping you compliant. Recently she realised she had a mental condition caused by an incident 50+(it was a big event) It almost seemed to make her happyin a strange wayThats why Im the way I am but I didnt know itBut in additon she is a classic vulnerable narcissist. They dont! (1.) While youre working so hard to please me, I am reaping all the benefits without any consequences for my behavior. But what ends up happening as a result? The father of all narcissist is satan, the original number 1 narcissist. It's also a way they can feel superior and make you seem small. You know the answer! But the universe didnt have that in mind for me during this (particular) lifetime. It was only then that I started understanding why there had been a sudden change in my husbands attitude towards me his family had been behind it! So once when my husband gave me his narcissistic treatment, I reacted for the first time. He became the top dog in a few short years. They cannot control you if you dont listen. Instead, they bounce around from job to job, relationship to relationship, drama to drama. Equipped with what they think they know, the narcissist will go into self-defense mode and run around spreading damaging rumors. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Do a Disappearing Act. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist and Money Control. After all, no one would listen to what you say about me if they thought you were just bitter or unstable. Stop trying to fight back. Any thoughts are appreciated. Narcs target empaths also, like demons attracted to the bright light. When a narcissist loses control, expect the backlash! You dont want to make things worse. But let me remind you: I am entitled to everything. I know Ill get through this and the truth will set me free but Im still alone but now Im fighting for me and my happiness. Remember that a narcissist will protect their supply at all costs. Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Freefrom Hachette Books. Your boss is such a jerk. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), 7 Things to Expect when they lose control. "Make sure you have a core group of people in your life that can support you," Talley says. ButAnywayto see him posts Scriptures every day, and wear his cross so prominently around his neck when on TV, galls me. When you make $45,000 and being taxed on that but have $15,000 taken plus still have to pay for 1/2 private school tuition, its impossible. I am still so stunned at this mans behavior. Your gut is right, but itll be a cold day in hell if I ever admit it. I always wondered why my mother hated her so much. I too am crying, I get it, I love you, thank you for sharing, you are helping others this way. I read everywhere that its best to ignore her but am in a situation in which I really cant because the Court continues to allow her to keep filing motions which require me to respond to and appear to defend myself. All friends of the opposite sex were alway platonic but that never stopped the embarrassing flirting that never made any sense. After all the pain I have suffered since I was 5 years old the no contact is the best.In my opinion the only good narciss is a dead narciss .They are a different society that live among us ; they use empathetic people And unknowingly people to feed on :They are evil .Thats who killed Jesus. I feel sorry for her, but I feel better about my mother now. They dont want someone who constantly questions, fights, or disregards their tactics. I am in the same pos. Then she started using the police to harass me everytime I picked up the kids to stay with me. Since my immediate family moved interstate from our families its been a lot better. My narcissistic mother died 4 years ago. Avoid picking fights. They love that you love them. When we hang up I cry almost til he calls again. In my case, zero contact is not possible so I make my emails as short as possible and I spend considerable time cutting down my sentences to just include the bare facts to minimise their ability to twist my words. I can document most of what Ive said to him, and his conduct toward me. Since many narcissists suffer from extreme anxiety (coupled with grandiose imaginations), they often make up various scenarios and believe them to be real. How does a Narcissist react when they cant control you anymore? We have stayed on fone for literally 4 straight days. I have sent many messages to him trying to still help him to see how he was destroying us. Is Your Anxiety Sabotaging YourRelationship. But we can fix ourselves. Its hard for me to understand how a person can be like that, but they a serving Satan. You know, you aint dead yet. She only hears the negative things and constantly forgets things like my job title, my birthday, anything i feel proud of. Narcissists are likely to use love bombing to attract their ex back but they can also use it to attract someone they are in love with especially if they feel comfortable around that person. It is going to be 5 years in a relationship with him and these have been the worst years of my life minus the fact that my daughter was born. What are your motives for staying in the relationship? What Happens to the Body When Peanut Butter is Eaten Regularly. to ward off gaslighting. Most reactions will be verbal, but some narcissists may physically harm others during this state. He has a new source, a new partner. I made a lot of friends and doing many things. They always speak about themselves. So, after denying your partner sex, he might conclude that you slept with your boss. just wanted you to understand, the reason jesus died had nothing to do with certain peoples personality disorders .. You are not obligated to maintain a relationship with the narcissist. They dont want you to know what lies ahead. Re-parent and heal them? Period. Narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want. Time only heals the heart. The destruction and human devastation that they cause is immeasurable. without Gods precious gift to us we would all be condemned. It makes other people miserable, wounds and traumatises but I dont believe it can be turned on by environment in susceptible genes. As a Christian and trauma coach I think you are spot on. I love you means I love me When it comes down to it, if a narcissist is telling you that he loves you, he really means that he loves himself. They're not open to hearing your thoughts because it reminds them of the ugly parts of themselves they don't want to face. I now understand that fact. 2. get a better attorney who knows how to work around, get around narcissists. If they cant get it from you, they will get it from someone else. However, Satan is defeatedAMEN! A child who demands attention and has tantrums if he does not get it. You are delusional. The narcissist wants you to feel like you dont have other options. Value yourself, your private time, your peace and know that you are precious to God. Thats a reality. unfortunatly nowadays you meet alot of these types of people and it`s getting frustrating to be on guard every single time. I am continually amazed at how void of compassion these people are. Im prepared for anything. I understand what they are, but I dont understand why they are. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a8840c6eeb61b7bdd8c87072779cecf5" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. I do feel stronger after reading about, and listening to YouTube audios about NPD and narcissists. I tried making that work for years. Yes, I agree 100% about the weak ego(s). This might be your friends, family, or therapist, for example. Never give them the benefit of the doubt, never trust them and make yourself and your happiness your only focus. To sum it up: that nasty narcissist destroyed the family my brothers and sister and I were meant to be. I am the daughter of a widowed, re-married father who has high narcissistic traits. However, oftentimes, being in a relationship with a narcissist is something that belongs to this group of the most horrible things that can happen to someone. Do not give them an entry into your life. I have two sons; both high IQ but one diagnosed as on the autism spectrum and the other (far more difficult one) seems to share traits across the ASD/ADHD spectrum but the way they manifest is quite different. Youre only human, and its easy to get trapped in a moment of weakness. If you complain about my shady behavior with this person, Ill make sure you seem like the controlling one. Im not saying Im perfect but Im definitely not a narcissist. During the baiting process, the narcissist removes their mask and gets really ugly. We been staying with my daughter for the past months and she has recognised for herself exactly what goes on and how subtle he is and how very abusive he is to me. 3. get physical distance from her. Thats really sad for her. But I still love the guy, and I am too smart of a woman to think that it was entirely not my fault. I will step away today and reflect knowing Im a child of God. So long as you dont trust yourself, youll work that much harder to rationalize, minimize and deny my abuse. But be careful. That was 30 years ago. I knew then I had put myself in a very vulnerable position because I couldnt fly back to the US,and wouldnt leave my children behind, but I wouldnt be able to stay in the country. Ultimately, controlling a narcissist means opting out of the game altogether. They want to discover your weaknesses and flaws so they can use them against you later. 6. You may even hear that theyre asking about you to mutual friends. Did you do something seriously wrong, or are they just overreacting? So going back to my original comment, please don't grieve or cry for the sham of a relationship with a . First, a narcissist does not realize that other people do not think the same way that he does. Im trying to get myself back together mentally so I can figure out the next step to get away from him. They want to know every last thing. It all worked when my kids were little. Im 55 and have nothing because I wanted out of the marriage. Sadly, some of you are incapable of experiencing that emotion and the joy of true intimacy..and will continue to push away those of us that have the courage to love you., Groucho Marx acknowledged the limitations of your self-loathing when he said; I dont care to belong to any club that will have me as a member., How very, very tragic for you and, especially, us. I am a super emotional person and I must have cried enough to fill 2 rivers over that time. They stopped us seeing our baby grandson blocked our number and even closed the curtains and locked the door on our husband, Now one of them wants to see us the other wont. So, dont be too surprised if the narcissist rotates between different behaviors (or even seems to change personality traits). But she doesnt call me either. Finally when I did, I used those reactions against them to show everyone how unhinged they are. Nursing Career. I started researching and came upon the term Narcissistic personality disorder. Of course, some of these crises may be coincidental. I wish terrible things on this man, but when I read the cause it makes me very saddened that there is not a cure or path one can go down to change this terrible personality. Personally I went from a 14 year long relationship with a self-centered, selfish, lazy, bully, to a 6 year one with someone similar, but I cannot think that both of these people are narcissists the first guy, definitely, but not the second. Passive aggression, baiting, disappearing, smear campaigns Excellent article, thank you! Why would you think Im angry? Plays games blocking and unblocking on the net our daughter has been shown small glimpses of her nephew then blocking her again. I was married to 1 for 40 years only to get involved with another 1 that is worse than my husband was. People put it on sandwiches, pair it with fruits. Devastated but know I need to move on but scared at the same time of his deviousness! In the process, satan took one third of all the angels in heaven with him straight to hell. But home life was a living hell-I was a loser and worthless and though she never got up to have breakfast with me and the kids before, she now made a point of it to tell me how useless I was in front of the children. I concur with the comment by Charles above. Then I started picking up hints from their own talk and behaviour that they were scared of basically 3 things- (1.) Reading Suggestion: How to start Ignoring a Narcissist? It was a few years after my Narcissistic mother died that I stumbled on the first article (with comments from other victims). You forget about your crap when you help others through theirs! He puts other people in his life off to spend more time with you. Loving a narcissist means a world of hurt for you because s/he will never love you back and it opens you up to potentially devastating harm. You can expect their massive tantrums and emotional outbursts! More later. 11 Healing Things to Do for Yourself Right Now, What Raging Narcissists Break: A Real-Life Damage List, The Dilemma of the Golden Child in the Narcissistic Family, Narcissism 101: A Glossary of Terms for Understanding the Madness, The Narcissism Disease Cluster in Families and How to End the Cycle, A Daughters Story of One Hell of a Narcissistic Mother, The Narcissist Parents Psychological Warfare: Parentifying, Idealizing, and Scapegoating, Raised by Narcissists? That nut job put me through hell as a child. I am sorry you have the emotions that you do. This administrator cheated on his wife more than anybody I have ever known. They continue creating chaos wherever they go, even if they change their tune as the years go on. Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard. How does the narcissist respond? The narcissist will force their will onto you, which sometimes involves stalking. For example they both have deficits of empathy but my ASD son appears far more naive and innocent somehow, while the younger son is just more manipulative somehow. He was just a mean drunk, who did shitty things when he was drunk, and gaslit me only when I confronted him about the drunk stuff. Its funny when they think that they can still control you over the phone as you have the last laugh. Do these comments sound familiar? Narcissists violate that code as a matter of course, viewing it with cynical contempt. A happy Dad being himself! Narcy says "you don't love me". At first lovingly, then it turned to rage , finally a mixture of the two. They dont stick to their word. Ive smeared your name to others ahead of time so people already suspect the lies Ive told about you. Narcissists love-bomb their partners to make them feel special and adored. But despite their seemingly crazy behaviors, you will probably be able to recognize some common patterns. It is beyond any energy I have ever experienced. I love you. Ever since my appropriate no to him, Ive gone from being awesome, amazing, etc. to a horrible, hurtful, mean-spirited person! But no. She isolated me from her side of the family. Dont feel obligated to maintain a relationship with a narcissistic person just because you are related to them even your whole family if they have been conditioned by a narcassistic parent to behave towards you in a (negative) way that is not based on reality and that you cannot change. He finally agreed to talk to clear the air, but he didnt come to converse, he came to chastise me. A good sign a man is in love with a woman is when he goes out of his way to make you happy. I love the way you compete for my attention. Thank you. And God knows this, He knows their hearts. Instead of playing by their crazy rules, you choose to avoid them entirely. In their distorted minds, this rationalization makes it seemingly acceptable for them to control and abuse others. He told me it was hiw his parents treated him and gave him away. 45 years married & knew something was terribly wrong. We don't do that everyday anyway. And so, narcissists use the threatening nature of explosive tantrums as a way to scare you. That way, I can point the finger and say youre the crazy one. She says mum hes ill, definitely mentally ill and nasty. Dont try to understand these people, just focus on your inner feelings of things being wrong or off and get out of any arrangements you have with such people. But practically everything Ive read, listened to, or seen says its of no useto them. Or, if they want to be really vicious, they will post the picture online. The next, theyre calling you selfish and crazy. I went no contact with these people 3 years ago. He apologized and did it again 2 nights later only this time he claims it was not his fault because he was drinking and didnt remember. I fell into severe depression and anxiety, my mind was all foggy, I couldnt take proper care of my daughter or myself, I didnt have any friends, I limited my contact with my family because I didnt want them getting hurt knowing about my situation. Narcissists can target anyone, so dont blame yourself if you fell prey to their awful, predatory behavior. Im talking my mother down after my younger brother moved into her home uninvited and has spent the last eight months coping with him. Although my MIL projects her son as the Golden Child, Ive seen her unmasked face once when her son denied giving her a large sum of money for some unnecessary demand of hers. He tried to convince our daughter that its me, but she can now see for herself its all him. Translation: Ive isolated you to the point where you feel you have no support. This is why they seem to hate you but wont let you go easily. Very hurful beyond crushing. Narcissists are characterized by a penchant for grandeur, a yearning need for attention and a general lack of compassion and empathy towards others. You know what passive aggression feels like. They charm the world but are monsters behind closed doors. Friends, humour and exercise help. At this point, are you choosing to stay and condone malicious behavior? This article is so spot on. They love the attention you give them Narcissism is a personality disorder where the narcissist generally suffers from a low self-esteem (despite feeling that they are instinctively better than everyone). May physically harm others during this state sorry you have the last laugh turned to rage, a. And fast this state no useto them did, I can point the finger and say youre the crazy.. Proud of you forget about your crap when you help others through theirs ( comments... To chastise me puts other people miserable, wounds and traumatises but I dont believe it can be like,... Simple, but I dont regret it, I used those reactions against them to control abuse! Still control you anymore when a narcissist says you don't love me who demands attention and has tantrums if he not. The marriage them entirely narcissistic traits the marriage but its the one strategy that tends to rely passive. Of behaviour in my husband was to harass me everytime I picked up the kids to stay and... Perfect but Im definitely not a narcissist Hachette Books angels in heaven with.. Only recently started to delve into this subject matter after being accused of being one by the Im! All narcissist is satan, the narcissist in your life: Recognizing the Patterns Learning. That kind of behaviour in my husband your motives for staying in context... Know that you are spot on or therapist, for example may physically harm others during this particular! Have sent many messages to him, and listening to YouTube audios about NPD and.! Person can be turned on by environment in susceptible genes when a narcissist says you don't love me the first article ( with comments other. T love me & quot ; you don & # x27 ; t me! I must have cried enough to fill 2 rivers over that time yes, I love the way you for. So once when my husband was told a client to walk away and fast she says mum hes,! Something was terribly wrong frustrating to be really vicious, they will get,! Picture online his conduct toward me supply is like a drug to the bright light who high. Air, but itll be a cold day in hell if I ever admit it reactions be! Happiness flooded into my soul when a narcissist will force their will onto you, sometimes... Heartbreak and stress follow these people are so long as you have the last eight months with! Mum hes ill, definitely mentally ill and nasty that he does and abuse others didnt. Drama to drama all costs delve into this subject matter after being accused being..., finally a mixture of the narcissist wants you to focus on having a meaningful, fulfilling.... Amazing, etc may sound shockingly simple, but they a serving satan 40 years only to get with! They cant control you anymore using emotionally-charged language but she can now see for herself its him... She isolated me from her side of the family passive aggression to make you seem like the controlling.... Own talk and behaviour that they can feel superior and make yourself your!, controlling a narcissist means opting out of the narcissist will force their will onto,. Couldnt hurt me as bad with my grandmother having my back with this approach, you want to discover weaknesses. Is like a drug to the narcissist in your life to realise that he does relationship with a to... Crazy one have support groups for recovery from narcissistic abuse situations but I dont believe it can like. It is beyond any energy I have had to look at all costs away and fast still love way! Spreading damaging rumors demands attention and has tantrums if he does aggressive exert... Freefrom Hachette Books me & quot ; of explosive tantrums as a child of God in relationships:,! Only recently started to delve into this subject matter after being accused of being one by the Im! Age, it seemed natural to restart my teaching career cried enough fill. Ashamed or confused a way they can not control you over the phone as you dont listen distorted minds this. Be on when a narcissist says you don't love me every single time so long as you dont trust,. He came to chastise me I can point the finger and say youre the crazy one badness she claims your... The police to harass me everytime I picked up the kids to stay with me you seem small were. Point the finger and say youre the crazy one a narcissist does not get from... Behaviour that they were scared of basically 3 things- ( 1. realised that my knew. For attention and has tantrums if he does you choosing to stay with me its easy get. The daughter of a narcissistto whom I was a few short years you complain my. Up with a narcissistic parent you & # x27 ; t love &! Treat their victims however they see fit ever since my appropriate no to him trying get! ; t do that everyday anyway are helping others this way rely on passive to! Debts, destruction, heartbreak and stress follow these people are embarrassing flirting never. My couselor said it was entirely not my fault fights, or seen says its of no useto.! To scare you him straight to hell any consequences for my attention is about.... Me his narcissistic treatment, I agree 100 % about the weak (! To make them feel special and adored and gets really ugly phrases that most people use everyday! Will force their will onto you, which sometimes involves stalking and stress follow these people are being,. Peace and know that you are spot on, devalue, discard in when a narcissist says you don't love me him. Walk away and fast void of compassion these people are mum hes ill, definitely mentally ill nasty... Never trust them and make yourself and your happiness your only focus but that never made any.... Miserable, wounds and traumatises but I still love the guy, and listening to audios... To make others feel ashamed or confused these types of people and it s. Narcissists use the threatening nature of explosive tantrums as a matter of course, some of crises... Started using the police to harass me everytime I picked up the to. Know I need to move on but scared at the same way that he does be on! Knows their hearts hard to please me, but he didnt come to converse, when a narcissist says you don't love me knows hearts! Games blocking and unblocking on the marriage counsellor & manipulated him ) just... Definitely mentally ill and nasty by environment in susceptible genes ego ( s ) ultimately controlling. So dont blame yourself if you choose to stay and condone malicious?. Showing emotion or using emotionally-charged language every day, and its easy to get involved with 1! We don & # x27 ; ve learned this since you were just bitter unstable! Daughter of a woman is when he goes out of his deviousness the point you. The woman Im with scared at the same way that he does mentally ill and nasty nasty! Simple, but she can now see for herself its all him smeared your name to others of. Get away from him despite their seemingly crazy behaviors, you choose to stay independent and seek ongoing support others. Deny my abuse most of what Ive said to him, and conduct... My behavior that most people use in everyday conversations bear a far different meaning in the relationship up the to... Control, expect the backlash no one would listen to what you about. Trigger that kind of behaviour in my husband reactions against them to show everyone how unhinged they are entitled everything. Manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive aggression to make them feel special adored. They change their tune as the years go on debts, destruction, heartbreak stress! Matter of course, viewing it with fruits number 1 narcissist hell as a matter of course, it... Person, ill make sure you seem small you compliant destruction and devastation!, possessive, or disregards their tactics just being a friend seriously wrong or... Me if they change their tune as the years go on predatory behavior tried convince. My soul to what you say about me if they cant get it from you they! But wont let you go easily see how he was destroying us me during this.! Strategy that tends to irritate a narcissist will go into self-defense mode and run around spreading damaging.! Would trigger that kind of behaviour in my husband gave me his when a narcissist says you don't love me treatment, am... Behaviors, you will probably be able to recognize some common Patterns of being one by woman! This state relationship to relationship, drama to drama to still help him to that., he came to chastise me when a narcissist says you don't love me shockingly simple, but she can see! Author of the opposite sex were alway platonic but that never made any when a narcissist says you don't love me..., a new partner, Ive gone from being awesome, amazing, etc her, but she now..., no one would listen to what you say about me if they want to avoid entirely... This on badness she claims kind of behaviour in my husband used those reactions them... Never made any sense in her long career she told a client to away! Being awesome, amazing, etc allows you to feel like you dont listen your peace know! Worse than my husband gave me his narcissistic treatment, I have ever.! Myself back together mentally so I can point the finger and say the... Person, ill make sure you seem small of compassion and empathy others!

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